I Have a Trust Issue with my Boyfriend

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Basically I’ve been in love with the same guy for the last 3 years of my life. I’m turning 18 in may and I know I’m still young but I can see myself spending my life with him. Things were amazing at the start of our relationship. He was my prince charming, and still is my sweetheart. He is the only person I’ve actually had strong feelings for. We were doing great for about 8 months.

 

One day before our anniversary we broke up and it was really hard to deal with. I missed him like crazy but I still left my window of availability open. I wasn’t closing off my romantic life completely even though all I could think about was how much I missed him. We ended up getting back together a few months later and things were great but we started to fight.

We decided to take some time apart again. We’ve been seeing each other off and on again for about half a year. He says he doesn’t want us to date because he can’t just break up with me, its to hard to leave me hurting, I know it sounds like a player move but I can tell that he is just trying to be honest with me. He always ends up coming back to me when we are apart, saying he misses me like crazy, and one particular time was when he started dating this girl.

They dated for about 3-4 months and he kept coming to me saying he missed me, and when he was with her all he could do was think about me. They ended up breaking up but the problem is that they did have sex together and other than her I’m the only person he has been with and he is the only person I’ve ever been with. It stung to find out this but I accepted it because it’s not like I could tell him what to do when we weren’t together.

We decided to see each other again and things were going good until we started fighting again. One night he ended up having sex with her. It hurt so bad to find out what happened the previous night. I’m not an emotional person, and I don’t think any of my friends have ever really seen me cry but I had to go to work that day, and I kept having to leave till because I couldn’t help but cry. It hurt so much to know that this man that I love so much could cheat on me ( we weren’t dating but it might have well been called that)

He said he would make it up in any way he could, he felt bad that he hurt me so much. I decided to forgive him for what he did, people make mistakes but I have tried and tried for months to make myself believe that I trust him. But to be honest my trust was shattered that day. I still believe that he is a really good guy but now a part of me is always worried. Not that he is going to go out and sleep with a whole bunch of random girls but that the girl that he cheated on me with is still one of his best friends, which means that I have to see her when I hang out with him.

I’ve never felt hatred for someone like I do towards her. She stole what was mine, she took the one great secret that I felt I only knew, it was a great feeling until it was broken down. My mind goes crazy all the time that stuff could happen because it could at any moment. Should I be wrong for feeling this way?

He broke my trust and I try my best to be alright with her but I can’t help but wish she would just up and disappear. I hate her guts and I doubt that’ll ever change. I know he tells me that I’m the only one but my mind goes crazy. I think about what happened. Maybe I’m just crazy but they did have a relationship at one point, and he did have feelings for her, maybe his feelings for her are gone, but at the same time when you’re attracted to someone that attraction doesn’t just go away and that’s what worries me the most.

They are good friends and I don’t have the right to tell him to take her out of his life even though that would make things so much easier. He is worth so much to me, and he is worth fighting for. I want to trust him again, fully trust him. I want to fully appreciate him again like I used to and I think that can work but do you think that we should even try things over again? Every time we spend time apart I miss him so much and I feel happiest when he is in my life. I think that things would be alot easier in a relationship, it would give me the ability to trust him again.

I’m just hurt by the things he thought about me. That maybe his life is better if I’m just not in it again. I can see myself having a life with him, and I would love to make that possible but things are so confusing that I have no clue which direction I should take with him this time.

– kelseykrause

My Boyfriend Made the Biggest Drunken Mistake of His Life

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months. A couple of days ago he confessed to sleeping with his ex while at a party completely drunk. What do I do? He’s quite a bit older than me, but that’s never been a problem or factor. I honestly believed before this that he was my soulmate. In my eyes before this happened he was the most amazing human being I had ever met. I loved him to pieces, and there was never a moment I doubted or was unsure of his feelings for me. We’ve spent every last second of every day with each other. I’ve met his entire family, and he’s met mine.

 

Problem is he lied to me from the beginning, he told me he broke up with his ex 6 months before we got together, but really they broke up only a month before we started dating. He broke up with her, and she wanted him back. They re-met at a party a couple of weeks ago, and they hooked up. He said it was very short lived, and was the biggest drunken mistake of his life. He said that she was crying, wanting to get back together with him, and he got sad and with the mixture of alcohol and whatever other feelings they ended up hooking up for about 10 minutes.

I love this guy to pieces, but I can’t get that image of them hooking up out of my head. I truly did envision a future with him, but now I’m so unsure what to do. He’s been sending me texts every 30 seconds, all day long apologizing and crying and saying it was the biggest regret of his life, and that I’m his soulmate, and that he needs me in his life. He keeps calling too, but I just don’t know what to do. He’s even resorted to asking me to hook up with a random, or even an ex, so he can feel the pain I feel and we can move on. But that, for me is a definite No! I’ve always been against cheaters, and said that I’d never put up with one, but I’m in this situation and I don’t know what to do!
– Needhelp

Min Min says:
January 10, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I suggest you not to think about it at all and give yourself enough time to calm down and you’ll be able to make the decision for yourself without anyone’s help.

But you need to let him know you need time to calm down and ask for his understanding, otherwise you’re not able to make any wise decision at all.

Don’t let anyone else affect your decision. When you’re calm, you’ll be able to view it clearly and your mind will guide you with no problem.

My Husband Cheated on me Two Years Ago

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My husband cheated on me two years ago with a close friend of mine. It was a one time ordeal. However, he lied to me about it for over a year. I knew something had happened, but not what. I asked him over and over. He would tell me the same lie. Every word was exact. I consider this evidence that he is a good liar.

 

I have known him for over ten years. We have a young child together. He didn’t tell me about the affair. A mutual friend told me. He confessed when I told him I knew. When I found out, it was six months before we were to be married. I still married him. I love him and I want our family to stay together.

It has been one year since I found out. I have cut female friends from my life. I am reluctant to befriend any females at all. And if he is friends with a woman, I go psycho on her and tell her to leave us alone.

My husband get frustrated with me and wants me to just get over this. I am still having a hard time with it. I don’t know what to do. We can’t afford counseling. Am I wrong to not be over this yet? It was a one time fling, but I think it’s the fact that he wasn’t ever planning on telling me and lying for over a year that is so hard to get over. I don’t think he understands this, because I have told him over and over.

– Laurie Welch

Min Min says:
January 4, 2011 at 8:32 am
Hi Laurie,

Yes, you do need counseling, but I’ll see what I can help.

Let’s assume that as you said he’s a liar, so what’re you gonna deal with this? Do you want to leave him? What do you want from him? What do you want him to do? What can he do to make you feel better? What do you want?

It seems you rely on him and you’re not the type who would choose to leave him. What you need to do is not to hurt yourself. You’re hurting yourself. If this family is important for you and if you want to keep him, you must get this over.

You married him when you knew the truth. It means, for you, this is your choice to accept him, to forgive him. At that time you already knew he lied, but you made the choice. It means you value family over other issues.

You chose to stay with him when you knew he lied, but not when he didn’t lie, you gave him a second chance and forgave him. If you left him at that time, there would be no this issue.

Since you chose him it tells us that he has other virtues. He’s such a person. Do you accept him as he is?

If you go psycho on other women, you’re making things worse. It shows you’re not forgiving him and not giving him the second chance at all.