Chore

Can You Agree on Household Duties?

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In a world when about half of all marriages end in divorce, finding ways to address major arguments before they fester can help you keep your relationship on the right track. Domestic duties are a source of constant strife in many marriages, but there are a few ways that you can address this issue early on- even before you get married.

Don’t think that the only choice is a 50/50 split with arduous record-keeping; instead do see what you can agree on as a couple before making a permanent commitment. Maybe one of you will handle only weekend cooking while the other takes on that job during the week.

It doesn’t matter what type of system you choose to divide up housework. What matters is that you do discuss the issue and come to an agreement before it becomes a problem.

Make a Comprehensive List

The first step to dividing the household chores is to make a full list of everything that needs to be done in a typical week. Few of us love making lists, but it’s necessary if you are going to try to make sure that everything gets done and that one person isn’t burdened with all of it.

Include the basics, like cleaning the bathrooms, but also consider family management items that are less frequent, such as paying the month’s bills or cleaning the baseboards. Once you have a complete list that both partners worked on together, you can begin to see how much you will need to divide up to make the housework even.

Divide the Good Stuff First

One of the many pleasant lessons my wife learned when we first started talking about marriage was that I actually enjoy ironing. Because she desperately hates the task, it never occurred to her that someone else would find it relaxing! We promptly made ironing one of my go-to tasks, which freed up her time for other household chores.

As you begin the division, each person should pick a few things that he will be happy to do regularly. Also, allow each person to choose one item that she absolutely does not want to do. Use these preferences as a way to ensure that both people will want to do the work that is on the list.

Be Realistic about Time

If one of you has stable 9 to 5 hours and the other has massive overtime expectations, the 9-5er will end up doing more housework. While it may not be equal, it’s certainly a saner way to keep housework from being a marital problem.

You each should estimate the time that a list will take, too, in order to help gauge how both of you see the domestic work fitting into your lives. If one of you estimates 10 hours a week to get everything done while the other says 25, you need to get a clearer idea of the actual time the work will take.

Don’t Forget to Compromise!

Compromise is at the heart of all great marriages. Housework, like finances and other common sources of marital discord, often engenders huge differences in perspective. If one of you believes that vacuuming is a daily task while the other could deal with cleaning up the crumbs once a month, dividing the chores in a way that seems equitable will be tougher.

Look at what both of you want and then begin to sort out the areas where you can compromise. Think of this discussion as a primer for other serious discussions such as child-rearing and retirement planning.

While neither of you is likely to win the vacuuming example, it’s possible that a weekly vacuuming compromise could work. Once you agree to the compromise and stick to it, neither of you has to worry about disagreeing over the issue again.

Consider Hiring Help

Let’s face it. With both of you working, there won’t be a lot of time to do housework. Even if you get home at a decent hour, you won’t want to spend every evening doing the housework. Because you each presumably support yourself before you get married, combining households should free up a little cash.

Check out the prices for a weekly housecleaning or a laundry service. Sometimes it’s better to pay for someone to do the work for you rather than continue to argue about it.

It’s important to discuss housekeeping before you get married. You may find it helpful to talk about  it in couple’s counseling- something everyone who is considering marriage should think about.

Benjamin Baker is addicted to writing. He is enjoying the research and he found himself discovering facts about all kinds of topics. He is married with 3 growing teenagers. They live in Denver, Colorado where he enjoys camping and fishing in his free time.

Relationship Takes Time

3 Obstacles to Test your Relationship

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The path to true love is never easy. It comes laden with obstacles that will put your bond to the test and put a lot of strain on your relationship, although one might say that these trials are necessary in order to establish whether or not the relationship is strong with the potential to last.

I would agree with this. A relationship needs to be put under a certain amount of strain at some point, so that the pair know whether or not they can overcome things together, or if they let bad things tear them apart.

I’ve picked 3 things at random that can put a relationship under strain, with some tips on how to overcome them as a couple and emerge triumphant on the other side.

Different upbringings / backgrounds

You’d be surprised just how much conflict this can cause. It might not even become apparent until a few years down the line, but if you’ve been brought up in radically different ways and environments, you can guarantee that it will throw a few obstacles in the way.

How you are raised determines many things: how to react to certain situations, how you resolve problems and how you communicate. If you grew up in an emotionally closed household, you may find it difficult later in life to discuss emotions and resolve emotional issues with your significant other.

Listen to what your partner is saying. Do not shut them off when you feel that their reasoning is too different to what you’ve been taught. We as humans are learning all the time and it’s never too late to learn a new way of thinking.

Overcome this obstacle by accepting the differences between you and embracing them all at once. If your partner experienced something that you didn’t when you were growing up, ask them to share it with you.

This will deepen your connection and also show them that you care deeply about who they are.

Money

Whether the financial obstacle is caused by a salary being higher or lower, having very different spending habits or financial values, money is a big problem causer in relationships.

If you share financial responsibilities, then you simply must be able to discuss money without it causing tension and arguments.

If you have different spending habits, go shopping separately or agree on a spending limit and location beforehand.

If you earn more than your partner, do not brag. That’s a sure way to make your partner feel incredibly inferior and insecure. Remember that you love this person; do you really want to make them feel that way?

If you have different financial values, try and learn from theirs and share yours in a way that does not make them feel that you are forcing your beliefs on them.

One of you has a child

You get to a certain age where every potential partner you meet has ‘baggage’. If that baggage is a small human being, this is going to potentially present difficulties in a new relationship.

If you are the one with the child, please remember that the child must always come first.

If your new partner dislikes the fact that you have a child, or makes no effort to show an interest or bond with your offspring, this is a clear indication that this relationship will not be a happy one.

If you are involved with someone with a child, remember that they have a grave responsibility and you cannot get involved with the decision making when it comes to their child. This will cause conflict all round and you will end up losing.

 

Image by TRF_Mr_Hyde

A sustainable and happy relationship requires an awful lot more than love and passion. If you have found someone who shares your values, understands and appreciates who you are, loves and protects you and stands by you in times of difficulty, then you can be sure that you have found someone incredibly special.

Please remember that you deserve no less and never ‘settle’ for someone who makes you unhappy simply out of a fear of being alone.

Good luck to you and please feel free to share any tips or anecdotes in the comment section.

Susannah Perez is a fashion blogger and relationship expert. She studies human relationships and blogs about her findings to her faithful readers.

Yell

7 Causes of Arguments and Bickering between Couples

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From minor disagreements to full-blown rows, relationships can be tricky business. But how easy is it to make the bickering go away? Here are seven causes of arguments along with a little advice for overcoming them.

1. Household chores

If you live together, there can be an issue over who does the housework, including cooking, washing up the dishes, doing laundry and ironing clothes. If one partner does more than the other, expect bickering to follow. To solve the problem, discuss what needs to be done and assign responsibilities. If you both know what you need to do, there are no excuses!

2. Money

Financially-based arguments are very common for couples, especially when it’s tough to make ends meet and one of you is more careful with the cash than the other. Or one of you enjoys more hobbies. Either way, this can be major source of disagreement. Sharing responsibility for paying bills is a good way to make sure you both understand your financial situation.

3. Work

Whether it’s the stress that one of you brings home, the time demands of a job or simply the fact that one of you keeps talking about work, it’s not uncommon for career to take over and lead to problems at home. Make sure you make time to hear about each other’s day, but remember that there’s more to life than what happens at work.

4. Children

How your children are raised can be a constant source of unrest, particularly if you have different ideals. You both want what’s best for your children, but that is definitely not the two of you locked in heated debates. Understanding each other’s perspectives and creating a new set of shared ideals could make for a happy family life.

5. The toilet seat

It’s a minor issue, but it’s one that’s seemingly universal. It seems that men all over the world struggle with remembering to put the seat down when they’re finished and women struggle with putting it down when they’re about to start! A little extra consideration or tolerance is all that’s needed to solve this one.

6. Time-keeping

Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been going out for a while, time-keeping (or lack there of) can be a constant source of friction. If you’re forever late to a date with your wife, then it’s time to go shopping for men’s watches. Likewise, set alarms and little reminders to ensure you don’t forget where you need to be.

7. Tidiness

Leaving dirty socks, old newspapers, dirty dishes or anything else lying around is a sure fire way of irking your significant other, especially if they take pride in a tidy home. With a little effort and consideration you can help keep the bickering down to a minimum.

Prem says:
September 20, 2013 at 4:04 pm
I never imagined even toilet seat could be a reason for bickering between couples ;). Arguments between couples have become quite common now and if they look closely they would see that the arguments are just a waste of time which can be easily sorted out if they sit and talk. Work and money keeps us busy most of the time and because of this we tend to forget to live life, nobody would talk about the presentations which we gave during work at the end of our life. Couples should understand that this beautiful life is meant to ‘LIVE’ and live it to the fullest, why to drag and stretch same old issues and make your own life sad. Live in peace.:)

hang_in_there