How to Get it Right when you Run into an Ex

/in /by

It’s a sad truth that not all relationships end in the most amicable of ways. Whether it was your decision to end things with your ex, or he broke your heart, there reaches a point where both of you have to move on.

 

Unless one of you ups sticks and moves across the country, it’s likely that, now and again, you’re going to bump into your ex. And, on these unfortunate occasions, it’s important that you get it right. When you run into your past, the ultimate goal is to make the experience as gracious, yet brief, as possible.

If he broke your heart

When the guy you’d pinned your every hope and dream on and adored with all your heart metaphorically tears it out and runs away with it, it feels like the worst thing in the world. Your outlook may seem bleak and, at times, it might seem almost impossible to pick yourself up and carry on. A lifetime of chocolates in bed might seem like the only option.

There’s no denying it’s a heart-wrenching period of your life and, although it may not seem like it, you will recover from this. Surround yourself with positive people and cram your days with fun activities; live every day like it’s your last and soon your ex will begin to fade from memory.

So, the next time you see the man who emotionally destroyed you, put on a brave face, smile and make sure your behaviour tells him “I’m great”. Then move on. He’ll soon see what he’s lost.

If you called it a day

Ending a relationship can be a difficult decision. In the early stages after a break-up, it is best for you to take a clean break from one another. Everyone handles break-ups differently; however, it is likely that your ex will go through a number of stages: denial, hurt, anger, confusion, questioning, acceptance and further hurt.

Exes-as-friends can work, if enough time has passed and there’s absolutely no romantic feeling left on either side. However, exes-as-friends can make things tricky for new relationships and may cause a stir with your new partner. Stay in touch on some level, but respect your new partner’s feelings and concerns.

Dealing with his ex

A somewhat futile wave of paranoia may sweep over you each time his ex’s name is uttered. Knowing that your partner is in touch with his ex can be intimidating, but the key word to remember here is “ex” – she is no longer his present or future and is his ex for a reason.

If it’s any consolation, his ex is probably more intimidated by you; the man she once had is now yours. Be considerate of her feeling and at all times, be pleasant; don’t hand her any ammunition to use against you.

Your partner should do everything he can to make you feel comfortable and reassured that you’re all he wants, whenever you’re around her. Just be your usual lovely self and don’t make her an unnecessary enemy. Trust your man, he’s yours now.

My Boyfriend Has a Very Close Relationship with an Ex

/1 Comment/in /by

I have a very loving relationship with my boyfriend of nearly a year. He and his son moved in with me and my two children nearly 7 months ago. I was well aware that he has a very close relationship with an Ex, which didn’t bother me until after he moved in.

 

He and his Ex have been best friends for nearly 15 years before and after their relationship. He had his son with another woman that ended and soon after he began a relationship with his Ex. She moved in with him; they got a dog together, and she helped him raise his son for the 6+ years that they lived together (the boy’s mother is still in the picture).

From what I understand, they broke up because she had issues with alcohol, but they remained close and still do. She is now in a relationship of a couple of years (her bf has no issues with their relationship), I think, and my bf had a relationship before me that ended because of his close relationship with his Ex.

It wasn’t until after he and his son moved in that I realized that their close relationship just seemed a little too close…or maybe it’s me!!??? They shared some of his furniture in a storage unit and they were on the phone nearly every other day for two months to figure out schedules so that he could get the storage key.

I felt that their frequent communication was unnecessary for this reason, so that was when I voiced my concern (we got the key that night). As an example, there was a text message that she sent him telling him of a show she watched that made her think of him and she was just letting him know. I told him that I felt it was inappropriate for her to say things like that to someone in a relationship and that I wanted to let her know that. I texted her from my phone and we had quite a bit of a back and forth of complete disagreement. On New Year’s we went to a wedding where I met her briefly which was very hard.

A week ago, their dog fell sick and they’ve had a couple of extensive conversations since then about the dog mainly and whatever else comes up. They obviously have obligations to each other because they still share the dog, who is living with her; she calls to talk to his son once in a blue moon, and calls to talk to him once or twice every week to remind him of birthdays in her family and to check in with him.

He doesn’t see her often and he tries not to initiate the communication, so it mostly comes from her end and he sees nothing wrong with it. There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t hear her name. I am having a problem dealing with their closeness. My children love him and I have a feeling that things won’t change on his end. Any advise?? Am I allowing this to affect me too much? How do I not let it get to me?? Aside from this issue, we have a wonderful relationship.

– Yogini

Her Ex-boyfriend is Still in the Picture

/in /by

Hello,

6 years ago, I met an amazing girl, and despite our young age, we quickly fell in love. It was a model relationship that lasted 2+ years. It ended badly, and we went almost 4 years without contact. Just recently we became reacquainted as friends and started to get closer. She just got out of a 1 year relationship with a guy whom she had a long distance relationship with. She still loves him, but desperately wants to move on from him, but he keeps using the “push away, pull back” method to keep her from completely breaking away.

 

We have gotten very close lately and things have been moving along amazingly. Old feelings come back, but this is different. We are different people than we were and we seem to get along even better. Though our history surely has some hand in our romance, we also are falling for each other as who we are now.

The problem is, the ex-boyfriend is still in the picture. She still loves him but wants to move on with me. She just can’t decide if she is fully ready to let go or not. She has been completely up front and honest with me about everything, and I really respect that, but things cannot keep going like this with me knowing there is another guy in the picture. I have told her that I understand she needs time to get over him, but all I ask is the commitment from her that she will work towards that and not go running back to him.

She seems absolutely crazy about me, but stays stuck in the middle. This has been going on for 2 weeks. She tells me that she knows I am the smart decision, because he has a lot of problems and so does their relationship, but she can’t seem to decide what she really wants.

I do not know whether to walk away and make her choose because I’m scared that space will push her to run back to him even easier. But I feel if I stick around, she won’t ever make the decision. I am so torn and really need help.

Sincerely,

What To Do

Min Min says:
November 16, 2010 at 10:58 am
Thanks for sharing your story. I think if you do it right, you’ll secure this model relationship.

It’s not the right time for you to ask the commitment from her. To date with her when she still loves her ex is your choice.

It’s only been 2 weeks. You should be patient.

I understand that you’re scared space will push her to run back to her ex even easier, however, do you have a better choice? If she still loves him, will her “commitment” assure you?

If she comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, she never was…

It could take long for her to decide because it seems she might not be able to decide until she’s deadly hurt by her ex.

You have your life in your hand. Occupy it with other meaningful pursuits.

dieselfit says:
September 9, 2013 at 11:10 am
I believe you should take what’s rightfully yours. If you want her, take her. Don’t wait for sometihng to come to you. It’s like saying if money comes to you, it’s yours, and if money doesn’t come, it’ll never. That was just an example, you choose whether you want her or not. It’s your life and your dream!

He’s Still in Contact with His Ex-Girlfriend

/in /by

I went out with a work colleague about a year ago we dated for about a month. At first he said he just wanted us to be friends and I was happy with that. Then he started flirting with me shamelessly and at first I was so confused I didn’t know what to do.

 

To add to an already confused situation he was leaving the city to go and work in a country town four hours away and he still kept in contact with his ex-girlfriend that he said he thought he still loved. So that really rattled me and I tried to break off the friendship or whatever it really was. He rang me several times and I relented mainly because my sister said I shouldn’t be mean to him and ignore him. I did express my reservations to him and he seemed to understand.

So we continued seeing each other. Then the flirting started again and this time I thought, well maybe he is over his ex-girlfriend so I responded to his flirting and before long I was head over heels in love. I thought I had met my soul mate finally.

Then his ex-girlfriend miraculously decided she wanted him back and wrote him a letter. It was obvious to me he would go back to her. I was so devastated and upset I got angry at him and broke off our friendship. Anyway we eventually decided to stay friends through much effort on my part because I genuinely care for him.

But it was difficult and we had a disagreement and he said he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. After a tearful conversation he agreed that I could contact him after a few months because he needed a break from the drama (and I think he was having problems with his girlfriend again).

Recently I found out he had split from her and his dad said I should let him know I still care (I don’t think his dad likes this woman). So I sent him emails telling him I do care still. I could not ring him as he was overseas for a month. He has not replied to any of my emails and his mother told me he still keeps in contact with the ex-girlfriend and that she wants to get back with him. I am thinking his non-reply is a bad sign but then again that is typical of him always confusing me. I don’t know if he is ignoring me or thinking about it, if he is angry with me what?

I know if he is still in contact with his ex-girlfriend I could not have a friendship with him. I am thinking I should have fought for him in the first place and maybe he thought I wasn’t that interested because I didn’t fight. Should I give up? I am so confused as usual.

– Eliza

dieselfit says:
September 9, 2013 at 11:13 am
If it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be. I can see Min Min did her best with her advice and I have to say, hers was incredibly motivating. It was all that needs to be said. So I hope you knew what to do Eliza!